


Web Condom

by Alice (spideychelle_romanogers)



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Don't Judge Me, F/M, I'm not gonna lie, LMAO, NSFW, Smut, This is just crack, honestly crack, i had a lot of fun writing this, i'm literally never going to answer to what i've just written, my writing is normally very serious, not sexy but hilarious, peter really thought this would work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:35:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideychelle_romanogers/pseuds/Alice
Summary: Peter decides his web might make a better condom than latex. Spideychelle tests out this theory.





	Web Condom

**Author's Note:**

> @parker-is-full-of-shit and @suplosers on Tumblr wanted a story about Peter using his web as a condom. This is smut, obviously, but it is not sexy at all. It also literally does not deserve a better title, don’t fight me on this.

Michelle’s parents were trying to punish Peter, he swore it on his life. Normally they were gone for days at a time on business trips or random vacations. From what Michelle would tell him, they were hardly home all seven days of the week. He and Michelle had gotten used to this system, taking every parentless opportunity to hook up without any risk of interruption.  
  
Ever since Michelle’s father got promoted, though, he started on this very inconvenient wave of working from home.  
  
Of course, Peter’s house was never an option with Aunt May always looming around. She’d gotten more than suspicious of the two of them sneaking around.  
  
So they were left sneaking opportunities here and there when they could but after about a month, Peter was getting desperate.  
  
In that time, he did a lot of thinking. He had nothing else to do. Michelle made it more than clear she wasn’t willing to hook up in a bathroom, no matter how tempting the idea was to both of them.  
  
So he had nothing else to do but get his mind off sex. Which, of course, was impossible to do with a girlfriend like his. It got so intense one day during chemistry, he imagined using his webbing as a condom. It was a random, embarrassing thought to have, yes, but Peter realized theoretically with his webs being stronger and less permeable than latex, theoretically, it should be a better condom.  
  
And it was thinner too, so there was that.

Michelle laughed in his face when he proposed the idea. Her father finally left for the weekend after exactly five weeks of time at home.  
  
“Is this what you’ve been doing with your time?” she mocked. They were already half-dressed, Peter wasting no time in getting her into bed the moment they were alone. With the way Michelle nearly tore the buttons off his shirt, he could tell she was getting impatient too.  
  
“Michelle,” he whined. “Let’s just try it.” With a laugh, Michelle nodded, agreeing to the idea just to amuse him.  
  
Getting the web going was the most awkward part, but they got through it, at least with Michelle biting her lip to keep from laughing. Soon enough, he was ready. It was possibly his favorite idea yet, really. He’d feel like a pioneer if this actually worked.  
  
They both tensed a bit when Peter entered her, finding the friction to be a lot more intense than they had expected. While Michelle seemed to be enjoying it, Peter couldn’t get his mind off how much effort it took to slide all the way in.  
  
Some really inexperienced part of his brain just consolidated the information by reminding him they hadn’t had sex for weeks so it was likely Michelle just tightened up.  
  
That is how it works, right?  
  
Peter had no plans to slow down, not after how long they waited. With Michelle’s nod, he pulled out again.  
  
Or he tried.  
  
He really tried. With every thrust, Michelle moved with him as if she were stuck. With a grunt, Peter tried to pull her off without luck.  
  
“What’s going on?” she asked. Peter could only be relieved he wasn’t hurting her.  
  
“I can’t move.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I think I’m stuck.”  
  
“Peter, you can’t be stuck,” she started in a matter of fact tone. She tried to sit up when she felt it too. She couldn’t pull away. “What is that? It feels like glue.”  
  
Shit.  
  
“It’s the webbing. We’re stuck.”  
  
“PETER.” He winced. “What are we supposed to do?”  
  
His voice was very small. “It’ll dissolve in two hours.”  
  
“So for two hours, we’re just supposed to stay here and not move?”  
  
“I am so sorry.”  
  
“Is it even safe for it to dissolve in there?”  
  
“I really didn’t think that far ahead.” Licking his lips, he could see just how worried Michelle was suddenly and he felt terrible. “What can I do?”  
  
“What if it’s dangerous?”  
  
Peter didn’t want to lie, so he just looked for an answer in the air. “I can…I can ask.”  
  
Reaching for his phone, he waited for Michelle’s permission to make the call. He’d never really taken a phone call during sex but he found himself really hoping he’d never repeat the experience.  
  
“Tony,” Peter greeted, cutting right to the point. “If my web dissolved inside of someone, it won’t hurt them, right?”  
  
“Like if they swallowed it?” he asked. Peter could hear him driving and just hoped he wasn’t on speaker.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Then what kind of-”  
  
“ _Inside_  inside.”  
  
“…. _what?_ ”  
  
“This is an emergency, Mr. Stark. It can’t hurt her right.”  
  
“I don’t think so. Well, does she seem fine?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“It already dissolved, right?”  
  
“Um.”  
  
“Peter,  _please_  tell me it’s dissolved.”  
  
“Tony.”  
  
“You are not really calling from inside- No, I’m hanging up now.”  
  
“Wait!” Embarrassed, Peter buried his head in Michelle’s shoulder as the call ended.  
  
“I blame you for all of this just so we’re clear,” Michelle mumbled.  
  
“I blame me for all of this,” he mimicked, knowing she had a point. They stayed like that for a few minutes, speechless and blushing and fearing the worst. Peter imagined at least three different circumstances where her parents came home early.  
  
He wasn’t going to admit to thinking of her parents while he was inside her though.  
  
“Peter, can you turn us over?” she asked eventually, her voice a little strained. “You’re kind of killing my circulation here.”  
  
“Oh. Yeah, sorry! My bad,” he said before smoothly turning them over. His head hurting the pillow, he was surprised to see Michelle smiling down at him the way she was. He just smiled back, glad someone found the humor in all this. “What?”  
  
“I realized, for the next hour you can’t finish.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You can’t finish. If you do, then you risk that the web will dissolve which is basically our condom failing.”  
  
“Okay?”  
  
“Meaning for the next hour, I get revenge,” she said, settling onto her knees as she sat on him.  
  
“Michelle, we can’t move.”  
  
“You can’t move,” she corrected. Before he could ask what she meant, she gently shifted her hips. It was just enough for them to sense movement but without pulling away at all.  
  
“That’s not fair,” Peter said, out of breath.  
  
“It was your idea.” She shifted her hips again. Peter closed his eyes, trying to think of something else.  
  
“What if I-”  
  
“Don’t,” she said, continuing her rhythm. “Just sit back, relax, and think about what you’ve done.”  
  
His eyes popped open as she jolted down on him, shaking the bed without disrupting their connection. Peter couldn’t help but think Michelle was enjoying this too much as she teased him.  
  
“You know, one good thing,” she sighed out. “The webbing is paper thin. You can feel everything.” Peter let out a whine as she illustrated her point.  
  
He deserved this, really.


End file.
